Please eval my arguement essay

[kraft79]

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

In this argument, a scientist is attempting to show that birth order has a direct effect on how an individual responds to stress. The main point of this article is that the eldest offspring demonstrate higher levels of stress when placed in a stimulating situation. This author uses unwarranted assumptions to prove the thesis. By doing so, the argument leaves room to suggest that how an individual responds to stress could be due to their environment and not their birth order.
First of all, the author states that in a family of monkeys, the eldest sibling triggers twice as much cortisol as the younger siblings when placed in a stressful situation. The scientist is basing this argument on the assumption that all the siblings had the same type of childhood experiences. It is possible that the eldest sibling being studied might have experienced a traumatic event during development. This traumatic event may trigger the eldest sibling’s nervous system to go into fight or flight response when placed with a specific stimulation. In order for the argument to be strengthened, the author who have to show that all the siblings had the same experiences during their development.
Secondly, the argument states that during pregnancy, first time mother monkeys have higher levels of cortisol than those who had had several offspring. The author of this article is trying to show that how a mother handles stress during pregnancy will be passed down to her children. In this instance the author is making an apples to oranges type of comparison. Not all pregnancies are created equal and the environments of the mothers could have varied. The mother pregnant with her first child might have been in a more hostile environment than the pregnant mother with several offspring. In order to make this point valid, the study should show that both mothers were in the same type of environment during their pregnancies.
In conclusion, this article attempts to show that an individual’s birth order has a direct effect on how that individual responds to stress. However the argument is full of unwarranted assumptions which make it not strong enough to reach its conclusion. The author does not take into account that an individual’s environment can also have a direct effect on how they respond to stress .

[tommywallach]

Hey Kraft,

Thanks for posting. Is this the whole prompt? It seems like it's missing the thesis line, but maybe I'm crazy.

Anyway, you hit some good points here, but also missed something important things. Remember to focus in on the LOGICAL flaws, rather than getting too caught up in the content. Only discuss the content in order to show HOW the logical flaw is actually a flaw. For me, the flaws are as follows:

SAMPLE SIZE: This sample size is WAY too small. 18 monkeys? That's barely any.

FALSE COMPARISON: The author tries to use humans to discuss monkeys (or is it vice-versa, either way is the same), when no evidence is given that their biochemistry is similar enough to be worth comparing.

CAUSATION FLAW: The passage says that first-time mothers have higher levels of cortisol, but there's no evidence given that they could pass this on to their children. [BTW, you hit this point very well.]

I may have misread, but I think you missed the first two errors, which are key here.

Hope that helps!

-t

[kraft79]

Thanks for all your feedback Tommy

I feel like I am gaining confidence with the argument essay. I submitted one this morning that took me 45 min to write. My previous essays have taken 1 hour to one hour and a half. I am currently writing 2-3 practice essays a week . Any advice on how to be a bit more efficient in my practice ?


Thanks

Kraft

[tommywallach]

Hey Kraft,

Good for you, working so hard on this! Indeed, you still have to get that time down to make this happen. The key is to have a solid outline you're working off of, so that you don't waste any time thinking of ideas. Remember, you need to plan for a 5 paragraph essay (intro, 3 examples--one per paragraph, and conclusion). Outline that, and don't start writing until you have it. The intro and conclusion are super boring, so most of your time should be spent in those paragraphs. Make sure you have SOLID TOPIC SENTENCES (the first sentence should say what your point is going to be in that paragraph). Also, make sure you are leaving space between paragraphs and indenting each paragraph.

As for how to get more efficient, I think you're doing everything right. Just keep writing essays, focusing on getting a solid outline and then just following through as quickly as possible (while trying to write as much as possible -- the more you have, the higher your score!)

-t