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viveoistrach
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End introduction by question? Example as an opening?

by viveoistrach Fri Oct 12, 2012 8:31 am

Hello there!

I have noticed my predilection for ending introduction paragraphs with a question, when my case is a qualified version of the given statement, as well as starting with a prominent example such as:

Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" is perhaps one of the most cited and famous speeches of all times. His dreams that people of all colors would one day live peacefully not only alongside each other but also together, with actively taking part in each others lives was illusory back in his times. However, his vision gradually became a commonly accepted ideal which has pervaded domestic politics all over the world. This is a vivid example of how following your dreams can gain clout, even originating incisive events in the progress of mankind to individual freedom and equality of races. In this case, personal dreams and societal benefit concurred. But how about cases where the dreams of a person are rather egoistic and anything but benevolent? Should not the emphasis be put on the practically worthy goals rather than advocating the pursuit of individual dreams?

or here:

College instructors often face the challenge to offer a single course curriculum for participants of very different backgrounds and knowledge. In their view, it would certainly be ideal if every student entering college can be expected to have the same level of skills in the subjects they want to pursue. Is it however worthwhile to attempt a nationwide uniform and obligatory
curriculum until college for every student?

Since I'm only insinuating my actual thesis instead of explicitly noting it, would I get a point reduction because of this (if my conclusion is clear enough)? I find it somehow repetitive and boring if you give away your final conclusion in the beginning...

Would appreciate a comment on that, thanks!
Fanny
tommywallach
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Re: End introduction by question? Example as an opening?

by tommywallach Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:47 pm

Hey Fanny,

There's nothing wrong with a good rhetorical question, but I'm not sure you want to waste so much breath on your introduction. Also, be wary about using big words. There are a few there that aren't used quite correctly. You're better off using smaller words that you're 100% about.

Illusory -- It wasn't illusory. It was a dream. It wasn't realistic, is what you mean to say.

Ideal -- It didn't become a commonly accepted ideal. It was the ideal then. It became reality.

Pervaded -- It hasn't pervaded. It has been adopted.

Clout -- This means power. People and organizations have power, but not concepts.

Incisive -- Not sure what you meant here, but this is the wrong word.

Concurred -- People can concur, but not concepts.


It's great to try to fit these words into your essays (it is worth points), but if they're not used exactly right, you lose the benefit you might have gained.

Let me know if you have any more questions!

-t
viveoistrach
Students
 
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Re: End introduction by question? Example as an opening?

by viveoistrach Sat Oct 13, 2012 5:00 am

Thanks a lot for your answer.

I agree the first paragraph might have been a little too much. What about the second introduction - would it work without stating my thesis?

I actually stumbled across these words when rereading, wondering whether they are correct, however couldn't find the perfect fit. Maybe you can help me to point out which are the correct ones? I would very much appreciate that, since I've spent quite a while looking for the right word:

Illusory -- It wasn't illusory. It was a dream. It wasn't realistic, is what you mean to say.
-> so what is the correct word for "wasn't realistic?" I thought the two are equivalent ...

Pervaded -- It hasn't pervaded. It has been adopted.
-> I've searched a long time for a word that fits. Concepts which basically "pervade" society, infiltrate? What I want to say is that it becomes ubiquitous ... though having first started being flouted (?)

Clout -- This means power. People and organizations have power, but not concepts.
-> What can you use if ideas and concepts gain influence, become more and more prominent and accepted?

Incisive -- Not sure what you meant here, but this is the wrong word.
-> Also looked intensively for the right word. Couldn't find one. I was going to say: very important turning points ... each of the steps meant a huge leap forward for our society ...

Concurred -- People can concur, but not concepts.
-> What is the word for concepts? :)

Thanks so much again!
Fanny
tommywallach
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Re: End introduction by question? Example as an opening?

by tommywallach Thu Oct 25, 2012 1:35 pm

Illusory -- I would just say wasn't realistic.

Pervaded -- I would just stop this sentence after the first clause. The second is redundant anyway (though "ideal" is used wrong). Perhaps, "This idea of equality for all was eventually accepted by every civilized nation on earth." Or something like that.

Clout -- Following your dreams is too vague a concept to gain influence. You'd need something more tangible in order to make this point anyway.

Incisive -- Decisive is probably what you were looking for. Also, "originate" is used incorrectly here, so you'd also need to replace that.

Concurred -- "In this case, MLK's dream turned out to be for the good of society." That's how I'd say it.

Make sense?

-t